I struggled for years and years to give up smoking and while I think I've cracked it this time, it still takes some work. I started smoking (as you do) when I was 16 years old, but not quite for the usual reason. True, my friends smoked and there certainly was an aspect of wanting to join them, but they were very against me starting , which I was quite surprised at. My typical Aries obstinance kicked in and I went ahead anyway. The biggest reason why i started the process of was the curiosity as to what people saw in smoking. I figured that there must be something in it and that's why so many people smoked – otherwise, why on earth suck smoke into your lungs and pollute your body. I can remember being very nervous when going out to buy a packet of cigarettes. I had never so much as even tried to puff one before and knew I was definitely breaking the rules. I bought a packet of Winston (as that's what my friends at the time were smoking) , took one out and gave a sniff. Smelled ok. So I put it in my mouth, lit it and immediately coughed my lungs out, went green and felt sick.
Now any normal person might have decided that after feeling that bad after one cigarette that actually it was not nice and the fact that other people seems to enjoy it could safely be filed away in the ‘Unexplained Mysteries' folder. But, for me that was not enough. ‘I wonder' I though...' There must be something in it after a while, you know, once you get used to it'. So I persevered and very soon (very very soon) found that I really enjoyed lighting up. The experiment was successful. I understood why people smoked. Of cause the fact that I was being rebellious, and ‘with the in crowd' added to my motivation.
For some season, while I was pondering all this, it did not really occur to me exactly how addictive nicotine actually is and that's why people continue to so it. But at the time, I was young, body was strong and hell, I was a teenager, I could do anything.
When I was about 22 or so, I decided that I really should give up. Going out at night, drinking a lot and smoking heavily did not feel so good anymore. It was costing a lot of money and it really stank. So my long long journey started in trying to give up and like so many managed to give up numerous times, only to start again. Stress and booze and coffee were the worst triggers to start smoking again. My (now Ex) wife and both smoked and we both wanted to give up. But when we tried (we always tried together) we would become extremely irritable and start fighting like mad, which would lead to stress. Of cause the only thing that would stop the fighting and the stress was another cigarette.
Time after time I would fail, each time proving to myself that, actually, it's not worth trying to give up and anyway, I enjoyed it.... but then again, I hated it, hated myself for being such a slave to it. I began to realise that my life revolved around smoking. I would not go to places where I could not smoke. Clock watching for the moment I could escape and relieve the demon inside that demanded to be fed. Living in hell if I would not get out for the smoke or had run out and was unable to get more.
I was a slave, and the craving was a brutal. When I tried to escape, the punishment was dealt out with no mercy what so ever. The pain, both physical and mental was too terrible to bare. The sense of failure, of being controlled by something much stronger than myself. I truly thought I would never be free of this trap I had put myself in.
But each time I tried, I also began to learn how this master worked. What it did to beat me and I found it both fascinating and scary. I started to learn its tricks and then to formulate a rebellion.
The first step, I realised is that I needed to be ready. Even though I know I wanted to stop, there was a switch in my head that I had to wait for before I could even start giving up. I knew that if I did not wait for this switch, I would only lat a few days at the most. I never did find out what make the switch happen, but knew the feeling it had in me. I had learned from so many failed attempts what this switch felt like and I had learned not to ignore it. But it was only the first step in the battle of understanding the process. I knew that when that switch switched, I was far more successful. In other words, instead of failing after 1 or two days and being in agony I would be able to last weeks, even months before I failed and it was not as painful.
I knew that for me Nicotine patched worked quite well because they took the edge off the craving and also help to get me out of the habit having something in my hands. I found that using the nicotine gum or inhaler would just re-enforce the smoking craving because every time I had a craving (which was very often) I would need to physically put something in my mouth which would then stop the craving. The patches on the other hand worked silently without having to put an action to the craving. This is such a strong habit of smoking. Every time you have a craving you appease the craving by putting something with nicotine in your mouth – this can only remind you that actually you would rather have a cigarette. If cause, the patches on their own won't work. It's not that easy – it never is. But it does go a long way to taking off the edge which is an incredible help.
Now, people will tell you that you need will power to give up smoking and yes, that is very true, but in experience, you need to understand what is happening to your will power when you give up. After all, its will power that gets you through the first day or so. Its will power that will push through the pain, the irritation and desperation. But, and this is a big but, your will power is subject to your though processes and this is where I found the real trick came into play.
What I could not understand was why it was so easy to fail. Why it was easier to carry on smoking than give up. I had read that Nicotine leave your body after 3 or so days and yet the cravings go on for so much longer than that. Why, when I had adamantly decide to give my would I have a change of mind. Why did I change my mind, loose my will power. It was almost like I became a different person. My reasons would disappear, I would start believing that it was ok to smoke, that I would never die from it, after all, not everyone died of smoking. The more this tug of war happened in my mind the more I began to realise that my brain is playing games with me.
My brain has built up nicotine receptors that need to be fed and is now running a program (like a virus) that will do anything to ensure that I keep feeding nicotine into my body. I realised that my though patterns would change, my reasoning would change. Its was like I was being brainwashed. So I developed a way of dealing with self, my though patterns. I knew that when I would start craving, my brain would start telling me why I should smoke. So when this happened, I moved into a third person position and watched my thoughts change. I began to learn exactly what my brain would say to me, which bits of reasoning it would block off and replace with a pro smoking reason. While in this third person position, I realised that I could start counteracting and play my brain at its own game.
Now, this might all sound really bazaar and perhaps the men in the white coats should just come and take me away, but i think that this is what really happens to people who try to give up. The brain will change your thinking to ensure that you keep smoking. It's a survival tactic gone wrong and if you want to succeed in giving up smoking without the pain then you need to learn exactly what your brain is telling you and exactly how to counteract it. Putting yourself in a third person position enables you to watch yourself and more importantly study yourself. When your brain starts to tell you why you should smoke, why it's alright to smoke and why you won't die if you continue to smoke, you are then able to ‘talk back to your brain' because the third person part of you is not being affected. I literally found that when I would crave, my thoughts would go something like this:
Me : I feel like a smoke
Me : But I really don't want to smoke
Brain : Of cause you do, you love smoking
Me : but I don't really good
Brain : Yes you do, and you'll be just fine, trust me. Go on, just have one, you can give up after that.
... and so on...
I found that being in third person and observing this interaction gave me the strength to stop being such a victim. My third person would interject with ‘Nice try brain, but I see what you're doing to me and I know your tricks....'. This process really helped to stop the change in my thoughts and continue with the process.
Part of playing the game is to be conscious about your body and your thoughts. When I had a strong craving, I would (after my third person had stopped the thought process) use the pain or desperation of the craving to enforce the fact that I was a slave and wanted to break free. At the same time, I would force myself to think how wonderful it was to be free and I would imagine myself breaking free of chains and running, free and healthy. After a few days when my lungs began to feel better I would take a deep breath and think about how wonderful it is to breathe deeply. I began to imagine my lungs as a car piston. I visualised, with each beep breath, the piston beginning to move more freely and smoothly. I visualised clean, shiny metal. Pumping air in and out of my body. I visualised all the dirty carbon falling away and then made myself feel happy about how great it was..
To me the most powerful part of giving up smoking is to work with yourself and play the mind game back. Your body or brain is going to do everything it can to try keep smoking – that's what being addicted is all about. You need to constantly play the game. See the process as fascinating. That's the beauty of being in third person, you can watch yourself and be amused at how you think and what you do. Like a parent watching their child and being amused at how its struggling with some concept. Watching how it things and more importantly (ion terms of the addiction) catching it thought process out – ‘Ha – heard that... did you really think could convince me to have that smoke' . You will be amazed how well that works.
The 10 basic steps to giving up.
Be ok with the fact that it's a hard thing to do
Know , really know, that you want to give up
Wait for that switch if you can. This is a little like ‘waiting for the right time'. Something it works well if you stop at the same time you have a pleasant change in your life. Don't choose a stress full time. I have found that a trip overseas, or some big event can help. You can link the excitement of that event into the excitement of giving up.
Start to visualise yourself smoke free. Play this game : Visualise yourself smoking and see yourself as sad, make the picture dark and smoggy. Add bad smell, anything to make the picture bleak. Then visualise yourself not smoking, and make the picture bright, clear, happy and colourful. Do this every time you feel you want to smoke. Even before you have stopped. If fact, its best to start this before you have stopped. I used to light up and then while smoking, think about how bad it smelled, what my lungs felt like, the expense etc etc and then I would start thinking about what it would be like to be free.
Take note of the trigger points. In other words, what triggers the craving. I'm not talking so much about stress or when your boss shouts at you etc. Neither am I talking about the ‘after dinner' smoke, or the ‘ when I drink' smoke. While they are important to note, they are the obvious ones. I noticed, for example, that when I was driving to work I would smoke two cigarettes. One when I passed the petrol Station and one as I entered the town where I worked. I realised that the petrol station was a ‘half way mark' and the beginning of the town was the ‘I'm almost at work I better have another one' smoke. Track these triggers and you come up against them, realise the trigger, smile at yourself knowingly and choose not to have a smoke.
Stop drinking and going to bars for a while. While you might miss your friends, just stay away from the drink. You know how your will power goes down the toilet after a pint or two.
Start eating better food. You body will go through a lot of stress. Give it all the help you can. Eat lots of vegetables and lots of fruit and lots of water. Give your body the raw materials its needs rather than bogging it down with other poisons. Basically, give your body a chance.
Start to watch your thoughts and play the game back. Your brain WILL do everything it can to keep you smoking and the game is to outsmart it.
Every time you get a craving, and you don't smoke, be happy and proud of yourself.
If you fail, don't beat yourself up – it only hurts. Rather look at what it was that got you started, analyse your thought process and add that as ammunition for the next time you try. When you fight someone, every time you loose, you have learned something new about that person which gives you advantage over them. And when you now more about them than they do about you then you WIN!